


Occhiolism

by starkqvill



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, BAMF Tony Stark, Bittersweet Ending, Caring Bucky Barnes, Caring Peter Quill, End of the World, Guilty Steve Rogers, I tried?, Infinity Gauntlet, Insomniac Tony Stark, M/M, Minor Character Death, Parent Tony Stark, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Precious Peter Parker, Protective Natasha Romanov, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony dealing with everything, Tony loves space, Tony tries his goddamn best, but hes not the main focus, protect him, this fic is indifferent toward steve, this is my first fic sO
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-15 01:56:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11796039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starkqvill/pseuds/starkqvill
Summary: Occhiolism, n. the awareness of the smallness of your perspective.Every night, Tony found himself going to the rooftop, bringing his knees close to his chest, and gazing upwards. Up toward the army, still closing in on this tiny planet he called home. It glowed dusty orange in the night sky, the city lights burning out in the darkness. If Tony squinted hard, he could almost make out the individual ships. It almost looked like stars. Stars that would approach and quickly extinguish everything he knew.It’s funny how imminent death and destruction can really put things in perspective.





	Occhiolism

**Author's Note:**

  * For [itsallAvengers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsallAvengers/gifts).



> This is my first ever fic, so please bear with me! :)  
> This is for my good friend, @itsallavengers !! Thank you for everything, you're amazing.
> 
> This is partially inspired by the song Saturn by Sleeping at Last. I highly recommend listening to it while reading this.  
> (This is heavily inspired by a short story found in the Youtube comments of that video by a user called She Writes. It's a good read! Check it out if you can!)  
> Occhiolism is a word invented by The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows. It's an amazing website that makes my heart ache.

The day that Thanos split the sky open, the world panicked.

 

Well, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. The sky wasn’t _split_ open, but there were some uninvited visitors strung along with the stars and moon. Hundreds, perhaps thousands of airships slowly making their way to Earth, glowing and pulsing and filling the sky with a sense of dread. It covered the majority of the sky, blinding out the stars and filling the normally peaceful blue hue with threatening orange and red. If you looked closely enough, you could almost see the beings inch closer and closer. However, the fact that the world was panicking was unfortunately not exaggerated.

 

A third of the population insisted the end was coming, another third believed they could be saved by praying in as many religions possible, and the last third was begging and swarming around Avengers tower for help.

 

Tony?

 

Tony did not panic. After all, how can you panic when you knew all along this was coming and no one believed you? He had countless nightmares and imagined millions of ways this situation could happen, ever since Ultron. No, Tony wasn’t panicking. Rather, he felt cathartic, slow, and disassociated. For him, the slowly impending doom was just another thing to deal with and to be hurt by. Another thing to shed tears over.

 

So he continued on, as usual. He woke up at ungodly hours to negotiate with the UN, tried to help Rhodey walk again, interacted with the Guardians, tried his best to act disinterested around his so called ‘teammates’, and helped Peter with his chemistry homework. He continued on, even as the residents around him were starting to run in circles. He saw people on the street try to escape what was coming, and people in the tower try to prepare. The problem is, there is no way to escape Thanos. Tony had tried his best to work out bunkers and safe locations for people around the globe, often talking to King T’Challa about the best technologically safe methods to do so. But even during the slow moments, sipping lukewarm coffee in the evening while a shouting match was raging between his ‘friends’.  
“How can you be so calm?!?” Rogers had shouted at him. “The world could be ending!”  
Tony put down his coffee, gently, and looked him directly in the eyes.  
“My world has already ended.” He replied, before calmly walking out of the common room, ignoring the protests and grabbing hands trying to pull him back in, deeper and deeper until he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see, couldn’t feel.

 

Every night, a sleepless Tony found himself going to the rooftop, bringing his knees close to his chest, and gazing over at New York City as it slowly destroyed itself. At this rate, he thought, there won’t be a planet for us to save anymore. From up here, he could see, truly see. The skyscrapers seemingly reaching up, as if they wanted to reach the heavens and pleading to be saved. The cars on the highway, driving as to run away from something that could not be escaped. Protestors on the street, trying and begging in front of city hall for the government to do something, _anything, please, we’re all going to die, please help us_ —  
Tearing his eyes away, Tony gazed upwards. Up toward the army, still closing in on this tiny planet he called home. It glowed dusty orange in the night sky, the city lights burning out in the darkness. If Tony squinted hard, he could almost make out the individual ships. It almost looked like stars. Stars that would approach and quickly extinguish everything he knew. 

 

It’s funny how imminent death and destruction can really put things in perspective. It was almost like his first flight in the Iron Man suit, or that feeling experienced while in an airplane. Everything seems so small the higher you go. Every small light, every lit window, every car, they all contain people. People with lives as complex as your own. People with struggles and triumphs and love and sadness. People Tony will never know, but will always do his best to protect, even if they don’t want his help. Tony could only imagine the view from one of those airships. The entire world could seemingly fit in your hand. For them, up there, the Earth is just an obstacle in their path. For Tony and seven other billion people, it was their only home. Tony doesn’t even know if the aliens realize they are going to destroy billions of years of technology, memories, and life. Human life. 

 

It almost made him sad. Almost. A single tear ran down his cheek and dropped off the edge, and he watched it fall, fall, fall. It changed shape and he lost sight of it as it dropped past the thirtieth floor. Briefly he wondered how long it would take for him to fall and if it would even hurt to do it. But then there was another drop, and another, and another. It was raining. He dragged his gaze back up as he stared at the clouds quickly approaching. The rain was orange in the reflective light of the city, and it seemed as if the Earth itself was crying. Tony was suddenly brought back into reality and was now aware of his surroundings as the wind whipped and roared around him. He knew he should probably go back inside, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. He closed his eyes as he let the rain pound down on him, and the back of his mind registered someone approaching and sitting next to him.

 

 _Barnes._ His mind supplied helpfully, as he caught a strand of dark, long hair, in the corner of his eye.  
Despite everything that had happened three years ago, the two of them had a bit of a truce. Tony thought they had a mutual understanding. James apologized to Tony, and Tony helped build him a new arm. They spent many days together in the workshop, as James had fallen in love with Tony’s bots, especially DUM-E, who Tony had to stop from feeding Barnes poisonous smoothies. Tony hadn’t actually considered it until now- but he would say they were friends. 

 

James didn’t say anything, he just inched closer to Tony until their fingers were barely touching. Tony didn’t dare turn his head, he just continued staring. James swung his legs over the edge, and looked up with Tony at the sky. Then, after a few minutes of the two sitting in silence, James spoke up, Brooklyn accent fully in place.  
“Y’know, when I was little, my ma always told me stories, fairytales I guess, of how we all started as stardust. Ever human out there, was and still is made of stardust.” He said, almost in a whisper, still looking in awe of the sky above them. At that, Tony turned his head to stare at James. He wasn’t expecting that, and didn’t quite know how to respond. James’ hair was flowing in the wind, the orange rain pelting it and making it seem longer. The new golden star painted on his arm almost glowed in the soft light. He looked… peaceful. He didn’t glance at Tony, but instead kept talking.  
“I’ve never been afraid of death,” James said, a sad smile on his face. “For me, it’s never the end, but only the beginning, of something bigger. Something unexplainable.” He lifted his metal hand and reached up to the sky. The vibranium was almost yellow and dripping with water. “But that, up there, that’s the end. That’s where the universe decides our fate. If we too, have to turn back to stardust, or if we reached the end of our line.” James set down his hand and looked over at Tony, who was speechless.  
“I guess what I’m trying to say is… I’m glad we became friends. I’d be honored to fight by your side.” He smiled.  
Tony’s eyes widened, clearly not expecting this turn of events, but his eyes were filling with tears. He angled his head down, staring at the long drop before them.  
“I almost found myself turning away from everyone during this.” Tony said, letting his eyes follow the dancing rain. “It aches like nothing I’ve ever experience, you know. Knowing that some of the people you know and love will soon be parts of stars, floating through the galaxy. That’s why I’ll do anything I can to protect my family and loved ones.” Barnes made a grunt of agreement, staring at Tony with steely blue eyes. “I-,” Tony started, and then stopped. He took a deep breath before continuing, “I just want you to know that you’re part of my family now, James. I won’t let you die out there.” James looked like he had been given a puppy for Christmas, his eyes full of admiration and gratefulness.  


 

“Thank you James.”  
“No, thank you Tony.”  
There was nothing else to be said. The two gazed back over the city, fingers intertwined, letting the rain guide their eyes.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Pepper, taking the initiative, decided that Stark Industries should build as many safehouses and bunkers as possible to house the people who want safety. “ _Some people want to go down with the ship,_ ” She tells Tony one day. “ _Almost half of New York won’t listen. They won’t come to the bunkers. They intend to live their last days like normal._ ”  
Tony found it a bit strange to take that road. To sit in the face of destruction and live every day normally is…  
Brave, he supposes.

 

Happy, Pepper, the Keeners, the Bartons (who are now known as the Bowmans), the Langs, Peter’s friends, and Aunt May were all living in the closest bunker to the tower. She calls Tony every so often to update on the building process and how everyone is doing. Tony tries to visit when he can, but between UN meetings and defense missile building and training, he can’t visit as much as he would like. Instead, he spends a lot of his time training Peter Parker. The kid had volunteered to help with the battle against Thanos.  
_Mr. Stark!_ Peter had exclaimed. _I can help- I can help fight Thanos!_  
_Absolutely not, kid. I am not sending you into battle against that. I will not let you die._ Tony had cut him off before he could continue. He was not going to let the kid die because of his stupid decisions.  
_Mr. Stark. Please just listen to me. I can’t just sit here and do nothing while the world falls apart. I have to try to help. Please just let me. If we might all die anyways, why does it matter if I die trying?_ Peter had begged.  
Tony…. Tony didn’t have an answer to that. In all sense of the manner, Peter was completely right. They needed as much power as they could muster, and despite having the Guardians and Avengers, both new and old, on deck, Tony had a feeling they weren’t enough.  
_I will let you help, on two conditions._ Tony had said, trying to regain his composure.  
_Anything, Mr. Stark._ Peter let out an audible sigh of relief, his chest deflated from when he was puffing it out.  
_One, you will take all of your friends and Aunt May to the bunker nearest to the tower._ Tony had said. He didn’t need any more lives on his hands if Peter was serious about this.  
_Done. I’ll get them there tonight._ Peter had nodded, face blank.  
_Two, you will live with me in the Tower and train every day. When the fight comes, stick with people. I will not have you die. Do you hear me?_ Tony had all but begged. He did not want Peter to die. He cared about the kid, almost to the point where he considered Peter his son. He would not let Peter die.  
_Understood Mr. Stark. Thank you._  
Peter’s smile almost made it worth it.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Tony found himself avoiding the ex-avengers, but turning toward the Guardians. There was just something about them that was… magnetic, to say the least. Maybe it was the fact that all but one of them were aliens, but the reason Tony thinks is more likely, is that they felt like a family. While the Avengers were still _trying_ to work out their differences and mostly failing, judging by Barton’s glares and Steve’s guilty look every time Tony’s around them, the Guardians accepted him with open arms. They were all… nice to him. Tony spent a lot of time with their leader, Peter Quill. They exchanged life stories and talked into the night about any number of topics. It turns out Tony wasn’t the only one who had to watch his mom die and then try to kill her murderer. It also turns out that they shared a love for cheesy 80s pop songs and sang and danced the night away. They got along like hydrogen peroxide and sodium iodide.  
When Tony was with Peter, he felt happy.  
One night, Peter was in Tony’s workshop, watching him work. Tony could tell Peter had something on his mind because the blonde was staring at him and holding his chin. It was someone Rhodey did, and Tony immediately knew what it meant.  
“Peter, what is it?” Tony craned his head to look at the younger man, who put down his hand and hopped off the workbench he was sitting on. He moved to a chair nearby where Tony was sitting and pulled it up until they were sitting side by side.  
“Tony, call you tell me what happened in Siberia?” Peter asked, no hint of malice in his voice, but it still filled Tony’s heart with fear.  
And that was the million dollar question wasn’t it. What really happened in Siberia? But, it had been two years now and if Tony would die in less than a month, there was no point in hiding it, was there?  


 

So Tony told him. He told Peter everything. Starting from Afghanistan, and ending in a cold bunker in Siberia. By the end of it, both men were crying. Tony because of the painful memories, and Peter because Tony went through most of that completely alone. Peter knew it would be useless to make a long speech about everything he felt, so he said the first thing on his mind.  
“You’re not alone anymore, Tony. I just want you to know that.” Peter said, putting his hand on Tony’s cheek, bringing it up so Tony could look at Peter’s face. Tony’s eyes were like saucers, and he covered Peter’s hand with his own, closing his eyes and smiling softly.  
They stayed like that, in comfortable silence. And when Tony woke up the next morning, still in his workshop, Peter snoring on the couch, he smiled.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

There were just days left until the possible end of the world. SI had locked down all of the bunkers that they could, and the missiles were ready to fire at a moment’s notice. Tony had visited the tower’s bunker to check in on everyone before the final battle began and really, to say his goodbyes. He wanted to say his goodbyes to Pepper and Happy and to let Peter say goodbye to his friends and Aunt May. As much as it hurt him to admit, there was a chance that Peter wouldn’t come back, and he didn’t want May to not see her nephew for the possible last time.

 

But even now, Tony found himself on the tower roof, staring up at his possible killer. 

 

Now he could see the individual ships and they were getting closer faster and faster. If Tony squinted really hard, he could almost see Thanos himself. Briefly, Tony wondered what was going on in Thanos’ head. If he was just a cold-blooded killer with a thirst for blood, if he hated what he was doing but did it anyways, or if the situation was like an ant and a boot. If the Earth was just another small obstacle in his path to destroy all. Quill had told him that Thanos is trying to court Death herself, and that was the reason he wants to destroy planets. If that was true, well, Tony didn’t know what to think. It was commendable, he supposed. Like picking flowers and giving them to the one you love, but not knowing that you are killing the flowers in the process.  
Tony tucked his knees closer to his chest as he watched the army approach and invade the sky even further. Even gravity was starting to shift, Tony noticed. He felt the sensation of floating just an inch above the ground. Peter said that was thanks to Thanos’ use of the reality stone. He stared as the airships started to curve and turn inward as to directly target the tower. He memorized every curve and edge in those airships, even trying to count how many there were for hours.  
Dividing and multiplying, listing the Fibonacci sequence, and counting prime numbers for as many hours as he could. Over and over and over, as if counting prime numbers could somehow end the invasion.  


 

 _7883, 7901, 7907, 7919._ As Tony reached the thousandth prime number, he vaguely registered someone playing music from inside the tower. Soothing, sad music wafting through the increasingly threatening air. Songs that he would hear in a nursing home. Usually he would be annoyed by this, the over the top love songs and slow beats that Rogers liked to listen to… but tonight, it felt oddly right.

 

 

Even a bit ironic.

 

 

For a moment, time seemed to stop. Tony felt frozen. He couldn’t hear anything but the soft buzzing of the Tower lights, the music drifting from downstairs, and his own heartbeat. Even the airships seemed to still, even just for a moment. It was as if New York City had been abandoned in a second. It was haunting and beautiful and made Tony’s heart ache. Then, out of seemingly nowhere, a tune that was all too familiar to Tony started to play. Idly, Tony wondered if Rogers had intended to play it as a cruel joke. Nonetheless, Tony began to sing.  


 

_Fa la ninna, fa la nanna,_  
Nella braccia della mamma.  
Fa la ninna bel bambin,  
Fa la nanna bambin bel,  
Fa la ninna, fa la nanna,  
Nella braccia della mamma.  


 

Tony hummed the song that his mother sang for him almost every night, a sense of bittersweet nostalgia washing over him as he shivered in the cold wind but was also warmed in the harsh light. As the song ended, Tony stood. He knew now what he had to do.

 

Asking FRIDAY to take him to the common floor after he stepped into the elevator, Tony debated his options in his head. The walls around him seemed to close in around Tony as he closed his eyes and tried to ignore the pounding and feeling of dread in his mind. As he took one shaking step out of the elevator, he leaned against the wall separating him and the avengers, who were still playing music from the common living room. It was more… soft EDM music, which made Tony believe it was Lang’s doing, as the man seemed to frequent that genre when living in Wakanda, which T’Challa _frequently_ complained about whenever he called. Going over that particular memory made tony chuckle to himself despite trying to compose himself. Gathering his shaking hands, he returned his thoughts to the task at hand. Tony’s mind seemed to wander more often than not recently, and he didn’t quite have an explanation for it. He might have to ask Stephen for help, although the doctor was in Kamar Taj at the time awaiting the invasion. 

 

 _Okay,_ Tony thought, _you can do this, Stark. You can do it._ Gripping his hands into a fist, he shook them briefly, and then let go, feeling lighter than ever before. He walked out onto the common room floor.

 

The Avengers- _If you could even call them that,_ Tony’s mind snarled, were spread about through the living room and kitchen. Going through his usual motions- counting everyone in the room and registering what they’re doing- he noticed that Natasha wasn’t in the kitchen or the living room. _She must have realized that training with Rhodey and Viz was better than this bunch,_ Tony thought. Natasha, for her part, had come back immediately after Siberia. She explained to Tony her mistakes during the war.  


 

 _After I heard about Siberia I realized I have too much red in my ledger to be able to fix,_ she had said to him, face blank but eyes full of emotion. She had stayed with him through it all, even saving him from an assassination during a UN meeting. In his mind, Tasha had earned back his trust- something he couldn’t say for most of the ex-avengers.  
_Are you sure you are okay with this?_ She said, the day the ex-avengers had come back. She tentatively placed a hand on his shoulder, her head inclined. They were standing on the roof, waiting patiently for the quinjet to land. Tony had his signature red sunglasses on, trying his best to seem disinterested, but his mind was full with worries and anxiety.  
_The world needs them, Tasha._ He said to her, one hand raised to push up his shades. They were standing side by side, surrounded by the New Avengers.  
_I wasn’t asking about what the world needs, Tony. I was asking if you were okay with them- Rogers especially, coming back after what happened._ She let off a wave of worry, her eyes searching his to make sure he was doing alright.  
_It’ll be alright._ Tony had told her, though he wasn't quite sure if he was trying to convince her or himself, but he was smiling at her in a show of appreciation. They turned back together to face what was coming.  


 

Bring his eyes back up, he noticed that no one had spotted him yet, so Tony kept observing. Everyone else, though, was present and accounted for. Barton, who was still fuming about Laura’s divorce, was sitting on the couch, eating a bowl of nachos and glaring at the TV playing some arbitrary news channel. Most news stations were not happy with the ex-avengers return, and this one was not pulling any punches with Rogers’ team. Lang was running commentary from the loveseat next to Barton, chatting animatedly about some headline. Maximoff was in the kitchen, clearly making some Sokovian dish for the rest. Tony briefly recalled how in the immediate aftermath of the war, Viz would often make Sokovian dishes for seemingly nobody. He used it as some kind of coping method. Tony guesses that Maximoff was still not over Vision’s rejection of her apology. Wilson was sitting in the chair farthest from the others, clearly not liking what was going on. After he had learned about Siberia, he seemed to turn away from Rogers and his merry band of misfits. The only thing stopping him from leaving, according to Natasha, was that he was the only one who Rogers would listen to if he was called out on his bullshit. Sam, oddly enough, was the first one to notice Tony’s presence, turning his head to meet Tony’s gaze and giving him a small smile and nod. Tony mirrored the action, but also throwing in a small two-fingered salute as a way to… well, commend Wilson for putting up with the good Captain. Sam chuckled to himself before turning his gaze away from Tony to not bring attention to him. Tony silently thanked him for doing so. James, who was sitting next to Wilson, also noticed Tony in the room and smiled at him as well. Tony smiled back. Then, the life of the party came into view, none other than Captain Steve Rogers. He came out of the kitchen with some of Maximoff’s Pelmeni, and passed it around to everyone who was sitting. Tony glanced into the kitchen. No one inside. _Good_ , Tony thought, as he took silent steps toward the coffee maker. As he started making his special made coffee, Ste- Rogers turned his head from where he was talking with Lang and glanced at the side of Tony’s head, enhanced hearing clearly picking up on the coffee maker’s grinding noise. Tony resolutely did not look at Rogers, no matter how much his brain was telling him _threat, threat, he’s going to hurt you, move away, please_ —the coffee maker made a small _ding_ , and great, now everyone turned to look at Tony. All of the air in the room seemed to be sucked out, and it was dead silent, except for Tony taking his coffee mug and drinking from it. Lang looked at Tony with disinterest, Maximoff was practicing her powers in what looked to be a show of arrogance, and Barton was glaring daggers at Tony’s _definitely not_ trembling hands. Wilson and Barnes were looking at him curiously, as if they were trying to figure out what was happening. Rogers had gotten up, and was approaching Tony like he was approaching a scared, skittish animal. Tony decided that if he was going to do this, he was going to have to bite the bullet.  
   


 

“Tony, I—“Steve started. Tony cut him off by making direct eye contact, which clearly surprised Rogers.  
“Rogers, listen. I’ve decided that I’m going to forgive yo-“Tony began, but before he could finish, a blaring alarm cut him off and red lights began to flicker. The TV program shut off and was now displaying an international emergency message. Tony put down his coffee.

 

 

 

Thanos is here.

 

 

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The fight so far, has been absolutely BRUTAL. When the alarm had gone off, the avengers, new and old, immediately started suiting up. Tony had called Strange, who had prepared an army of magic users. Then Tony called Peter, well, BOTH Peters, and told them to get to the roof. Thanos was waiting for them, a large wall of airships surrounding him. He had said he’s here to destroy them, yadda yadda yadda, but Tony was just eyeing that golden gauntlet with the infinity stones in it. Well, all except one, which was still housed inside Vision. _Maybe if I could get the gauntlet, we could send them back for good. We could destroy Thanos for good._  


 

Rhodey and the New Avengers had arrived just in time from the Compound, and with that, the battle begun. Tony immediately ordered Maximoff and T’Challa to cover Vision, and try to protect him from the fifty or so airships targeting the mind stone. Tony and the Guardians and Dr. Strange went for Thanos himself, while the ex-vengers and Parker helped with his henchmen. Rhodey and the New Avengers were back-up for Thanos, trying to distract and find a way for Tony and his crew to get close enough. Hulk and Thor especially were happy to be back on the battlefield. Carol, this being her first world-ending experience, was absolutely giddy with excitement. Everything was going pretty okay, well as okay as fighting a planet destroyer can go. But just when he thought he spoke too soon-  


 

Natasha was hit. Badly.  


 

Tony wasn’t with her at the time, but Rhodey patched in through the comms and explained that she had at least six broken bones and a major concussion. Possible fatal internal bleeding according to Strange. Tony wanted desperately to go to her, to do anything, to help, but Strange maintained that they couldn’t lose Iron Man on the field, that he would try to get her to the bunker using a portal. All Tony could do was watch as Strange carefully picked Tasha up and walked her through a portal.  


 

It seemed like after Nat was hit, people just kept going down.  


 

The one that hurt the most was Vision. Tony was zipping and zooming around Thanos, trying to find an angle on where he could get a hit on the giant purple monster, when T’Challa called in. The young king described in a very out-of-breath voice that Vision had been captured by Maximoff, who had been influenced by Loki and gone bad. The mind stone was taken. _Loki. Of fucking course Loki decides to show up._ As if Tony didn’t have enough on his plate already. And Tony knew T’Challa wasn’t lying, as he could see Thanos lifting his gauntlet to the sky, a blinding light encompassing the golden glove as a neon yellow stone came out of seemingly nowhere and embedded itself in the last empty space of the gauntlet. Thanos let out an ugly laugh and Tony’s heart dropped in his chest.  


 

After Vision was Barton, who broke both of his arms and had to retreat.  


 

Then was Rhodey, who was grounded, but luckily not hurt. And since his new legs could only do so much, he too had to be transported to the bunker.  


 

Then was Lang, who he saw get stepped on by one of the henchmen, and didn’t stand up. Tony looked away.  


 

He briefly heard that Gamora was taking Groot and Mantis out as well, as they had been badly hurt and needed to heal.  


 

 _But then._  
_Then._  


 

 

Tony was dropping by on the exvengers, making sure everyone was doing alright, when he saw it. Peter Parker, on the ground. Hurt. Struggling to breathe. Tony immediately flew down to him, sitting down and cradling Peter’s head. Peter pulled off his mask with as much energy as he could muster and smiled painfully at Tony.  


 

 _Sorry Tony. I’m sorry._ He had said, eyes brimming with tears. Tony shook his head, not wanting to accept what was in front of him.  
_No, no, no Peter. Come on, we gotta get you outta here. We gotta- We gotta go._ Tony begged, his voice teetering on something dangerous.  
_I’m so sorry Tony. I think this is the end for me._ Peter said, reaching a hand up to Tony’s cheek, before continuing.  
_Thank you, so much. For everything. For being the father I never had. Thank you, dad._ Peter whispered, eyes full and smile wide, his face just like the face Tony saw when he first met the kid with a pizza shirt in a scraggly apartment in Queens. Peter closed his eyes.  
_Peter. Peter! Stay with me- nono, Peter, you gotta stay awake, you gotta-_ Tony shouted, trying to shake Peter into consciousness. The ex-avengers had seen Tony and Peter, and were starting to surround them, though Tony didn’t know if it was out of protection or morbid curiosity.  
_Peter! Peter no no don’t do this to me, please, I can’t lose anyone else, please don’t leave me. Please._  
No response. Peter’s head lulled against Tony’s shoulder like a baby sleeping peacefully with his mother.  
Tony saw red.  
He doesn’t remember what happened next. He remembers vaguely brushing off Roger’s hand and flying directly for Thanos, the only thought running through his mind was _kill, kill, you hurt my son, kill kill_ \- and the next thing he knew he was fifty feet away from the purple giant, clutching the Infinity gauntlet in one hand.

 

 

Thanos was saying something, everyone was saying something but Tony couldn’t hear.  
But he could also hear _everything_. He could see everything and feel everyone. He could feel everything’s emotions and hear everyone’s voices and see through everyone’s eyes. There was so much power and he didn’t think he could handle it but then-  
Silence.  
Tony was alone. Just him, and the gauntlet.  


 

 _Hello. Tell me what you would like. I will give you anything._ Something, no, multiple voices said to him at once.  
_Hello? What-What is happening? Who are you?_ Tony inquired, and for once in his life he was confused, really, truly confused.  
_You have the power and will to wield me. I will give you anything you would like. The voices said back._  
Tony has the power? The power to do anything. _You could fix all of your mistakes. Never be Iron Man. Fix Rhodey’s legs or Tasha’s injuries. Make it so the war never happened. Make it so Ultron never happened. Change history so James would never become the Winter Soldier. Let Quill have his mother back. Bring Yinsen back. Bring JARVIS or Vision back._  
Bring Peter back.  


 

 

His mind was swimming with ideas, ways he could change and better people’s lives. But he knew, those were selfish ideas. God knows how many civilian casualties were caused during this battle, or any other battle inadvertently caused by the infinity stones. He thought about how in the face of death, many still carried out their lives as normal. Had the hope and faith to listen to love songs and go to work and be with their loved ones. He couldn’t let those people down. Not again.  
_I want to destroy Thanos, and everything and everyone he destroyed to get here. Including this gauntlet and the infinity stones._  
I’m sorry, but that specific request comes with a sacrifice.  
What sacrifice?  
You know in your heart, the sacrifice you must make.  
And Tony knew. He did as he was told. And everything was dark.  
Faintly, he could hear voices.  
_Stark, wake up. Tony, please! Dad, you brought me back, please wake up. Tony, its James, come back, please. Tones, its Rhodey. I know you can hear me you jerk, wake up for me. Tony, kotenok, come on, please don’t go. Tony, come on, who am I gonna dance to cheesy 80s music with now? Hey…. Come on…._  


 

 

Please, wake up.  


 

 

So he opened his eyes once more, he was on the Tower roof. He could see New York City from up here, but time was nonexistent. He was the only person, as far as he could see.  
Tony sat down, and leaned back until he was lying down. The air was suspended, but still somehow warm and cold at the same time. But his eyes were glued upward, the night sky now almost every color he could number. Tony gazed up at it, feeling smaller than he ever felt, lying flat on the Avengers tower roof. Most of New York’s lights were extinguished, so from this far up he could watch the Milky Way itself form and twist. He stared at it like he would miss everything if he blinked. Like his entire life would pass him by if he looked away. He sighed deeply, gulping down air that he knew he wouldn’t get soon. He knew he would die eventually, just not this soon. But knowing that everyone was safe, he thought maybe finally, he could rest easy. Everyone would be fine. Since Afghanistan, he had been living through every day as if he was dying, ridden with anxiety and panic. Through all of that, he had learned to find beauty in death.

 

 

And as Tony took his last breath,  
even he could not deny that space was beautiful.

**Author's Note:**

> What did you think? Leave a comment if you liked it, or leave some constructive criticism on what I should change! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
